Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Things I hate about Dating. Part 1.

I've been working on this post for what feels like forever, and if we're being honest.. I could probably publish several volumes (and I probably will)

Things I hate about dating:
So much effort.
"There's no such thing as natural beauty"-Truvy (Steel Magnolias) 
When a guy I'm seeing texts me at 7:30 and is all like "Hey! Let's hang out" and I look down at what I'm wearing (pajamas) and I look in the mirror. My hair hasn't been washed in two days, smeared makeup from "reading" (napping) earlier. I have a serious decision to make.  Do I put my reclusive nature aside, shower, put makeup on, and pick out an outfit, and go watch a movie with a very handsome young man?  Or do I say "I'm really busy tonight, maybe tomorrow?"
The Games...
Seriously y'all. The only games I'm interested in playing are board games and the apps on my phone.
Don’t call, don’t act too interested. Do call, but be aloof. When to play it cool, when to show you care. It’s all so confusing. If I like a person, I just want to be able to tell them.  If I like someone, I'm going to tell them.  If I want to call someone, I'm going to call them. I'm not going to wait exactly 7 minutes before responding to his text. I don't think I should have to "play games" in order to get a boyfriend. If I have to play games to get one, do I have to play games to keep him? Cause y'all.. that gets exhausting.

"Where do we stand?"
That weird grey area where you're not exactly sure where you stand.  Are we exclusive? Can I see other people?  Are you seeing other people? This conversation is by far the worst.  It's like laying all your cards on the table and hope that y'all are on the same page.
Getting stood up/cancelled on
Worse yet, when you get bailed on at the last minute.  You spend an hour or so getting ready, you've been excited all day, and then at the last minute you get one of these:
 And I'm immediately like "Should I cry? should I make other plans? should I just start drinking? All three at once?! Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner!!"
(Also, let's talk about how this guy forgot his friend's birthday.. he sounds like someone who's incredibly thoughtful and definitely worth my time.. except not)

Being a Third Wheel
We all have those well meaning friends, those couples that invite us out. “Come along, it’ll be fun, you won’t feel like a third wheel at all!” Yeah right. Sorry, but no matter how hard friends try, if you’re single, its obvious, and a part of you is always going to feel awkward in a room full of couples. Save yourself the embarrassment, politely decline.

The awkward conversations.
I have been keeping a list of questions I've been asked on dates.  These are real and mostly from first dates:
Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
How many kids do you want?
Why did your last relationship end?
You really like wine huh?
You work with special needs kids, so is that because you couldn't get a job with "normal kids"?
My responses are usually something like this:
 The Feelings...
You meet a guy. You think he's a great guy.  You think "Wow! I can really see this going somewhere" and then when it inevitably all goes down the crapper, You're sad, and hurt, and confused, and frustrated and if you're anything like me, left with a strong urge to:  
(or tequila, or wine, or vodka, or whatever you prefer, Sugar)
  First Kisses..
Apparently kisses can make or break relationships. Seriously! I just read an article all about how you can be totally into someone, and then kiss them and if there's not any fireworks, that person is not genetically compatible with you.. No worries for me, because I'm a FABULOUS kisser. Or at least, I've never had any complaints... yet.. I'm still single..
  The Emotional Roller coaster...
  You're nervous and excited about the first date, hopeful for a second date, nervous for a first kiss, hurt when you.. idk.. find out that he not only used to date your coworker but that they maybe weren't quite as broken up as he led you to believe and that your first date was the night before he actually broke up with her.. (oddly specific huh? yeah.. that happened).  The nervous butterflies that you get when you've sworn up and down you'll never text him again, and then.. he texts you.  The bubble bursting sadness when he doesn't text you, or worse yet, texts you to say "I don't think this is going to work out".  It's enough to make anyone just say "Enough!"

Waiting for him to call. Waiting for a second date invitation. Waiting for a first kiss. Waiting for him to call me his girlfriend.  Waiting for him to pull his head out of his butt.  Whoever said "Patience is a virtue" was probably a man, and he was probably single.

Yet, we submit ourselves to this horrible, stressful, sometimes magical, and wonderful torture. We put ourselves through the ups and the downs, the laughs, the embarrassment, the waiting, the games, the grey area.  We put up with all of this because somewhere out in the world there is a person who is looking for someone like us.  We do all of this because we know that someday, it will all be worth it..

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Lilly Pulitzer..

If you haven't heard yet Lilly Pulitzer passed away yesterday. I know I am in mourning. We lost one of the most important designers in the US as well as a style icon.

Lilly Pulitzer brought color, sunshine and whimsy into the lives of all those she touched personally as well as the countless men, women and children she influenced with her designs. She will be missed dearly.

Rest in Peace Lilly, your life was a party that taught us all how to dress.